One of the most pervasive – and toe curlingly invideous – adverts on telly is for a well know second hand car dealer. Fronted by fluffy Phil, it extols the virtues of trading your old pile of junk in for a handful of readies. Nothing wrong with that we say. But what if it was you that was being unfairly judged, and what kind of car could you be exchanged for ?
Well,…
A smooth, purring, sophisticated machine that eats the miles. A dream when it’s running on all cyclinders but prone to regular misfires and catastophic failure, and expensive to maintain. Gets through rubber at a prodigeous rate.
1970’s Jaguar saloon
Cultured and well oiled but with collapsing suspension legs and mechanical breakage its one to be wary of. Comes with an open top so less prone to overheating and has spent much time in a dry, arid climate so rot is not an issue – yet.
Imported MG
A one-owner, very well maintained model with no expense spared in its pampering, though used frequently and almost entirely for short distance trips so is subject to carbon fouling. This can be remedied with judicial use of a grease gun.
London Cab
Lux in its heyday and with once steady handling but now sufferering from high milage and knackered balljoints, this old banger will never-the- less gamely soldier on against cruisers half its age. Reliable and comfortable, but bits may start falling off.
70’s Mercedes Estate Airport taxi
Rugged, agricultural, rudimentary but effective. Often more at home in more challenging environs and seems to perform well/mostly off-piste. Colour is suspiciously unfaded and may have had a spray job, but cant see any joins. Land Rover – Mark III
An assemblage of ill fitting fixtures and fittings and sometimes prone to not starting. Not a straight line in sight, comprised mostly of compound curves. Sold originally as a sports model, but more than showing it’s age now. No tyre kickers. Priced for quick sale. Sold as seen.
A skip