As every man and his dog are now launching something into space, I thought it best to provide a quick update as to the current state of our own arsenal of space hardware, and their peculiarities and features.
The Lerwick
An arrow straight and long reaching rocket although, at the first hint of deviation off course, it is prone to self-destruct in explosive fashion. Runs on Omega 3 and EU subsidies, though the latter are few and far between now so may experiment with wool. Does benefit from having it’s own launch site – well clear of anything remotely valuable.
The Swanston
Often shows potential but can take an eternity to prepare for just a test launch, never mind an actual one. It’s equipment has subsequently been superceded but it persists with tried and trusted Wendy-tech. Expensive to maintain and is fueled by (your) taxation. Holds the record for most successful, consecutive launches (3) but can quickly drain your wallet.
The Muse
Uses an alternate launch strategy. Rather than one long burn, it relys on a seven element staging system – essentially many small burns to achieve the same target. This is an extremely high-maintenance rocket and uses only 5 star octane which is eye wateringly expensive, given it’s sort supply and propensity to consume considerable volumes to travel short distances. Storage location is also expensive to maintain, requiring frequent refurbishment.
The Corpach
Can sometimes be the furthest flying rocket, though a crucual design flaw in it’s K-System navigation unit can see some impressive launches – in the wrong direction. Orbit is eventually achieved, though with a large number of correcting burns – or ‘shots’. It’s privately funded by the oil industry, yet has relatively low running costs. It’s preferred combustion fuel is Silver Aftershock so can be refilled on most high streets.
The Murrayfield
An old model but has recently benefitted from some careful, professional maintenance so is now more reliable than it once was. If the initial launch is straight, orbit is usually achieved in relatively good order, but still has the Snap-fade module installed so directional stability can be compromised. It was once extremely cheap to run, based on a potato-distilled fuel but costs are rising as it transitions to a more mature and vatted mixture.
The Kinross
Dangerous. It sometimes fails even to get off the ground and suffers the worst of control issues which could as easily see it orbit circum-equatorially as it could circum-polar. Mostly used for low orbit activity as it’s range is somewhat limited and it suffers from fatigue issues. The optic system is a known weakness but it is remarkably dog-ed in service, run as it is, primarily on agricultural diesel, or ‘red’ as it is colloquially known.
As with any rocket though, be careful around them : especially if they’ve been fuelled, or worse – over-fuelled. They all suffer from some kind of volatility.
So take your pick – a transport system for all needs and budgets, but caveat emptor.
All enquiries to Diggers Rocket Inc., French Guiana.